Still A Caterpillar

Well, no surprise, but I fail at keeping updated on this thing. You'd think for a communications major this would come easily. I just am always uncertain that my thoughts have any ramifications or importance or significance or even provide amusement to anyone outside my own head.

In my last post I talked about this blog being a platform for who I am becoming. I have new insight on the matter, so let me enlighten you. It's hard. I mean it's really difficult. It may be the hardest thing I've ever undertaken. Changing. I didn't think metamorphosis could be such a slow, long, drawn-out, painful process. Then again, isn't there a whole slew of cliches about the last flower to bloom is the prettiest, the finest gold has spent the most time in the refiner's fire? So why am I so surprised at this? I think it comes from a few misconceived perceptions of mine.

1. Pride-- I mean I knew I wasn't perfect, but I guess when you ask God to help you become better, you find out how far you really do have to go.

2. Patience-- For those of you who know me, you know I have none. I haven't even been blessed with an ounce of this virtue. But it's like what Morgan Freeman says in Evan Almighty "If you ask for patience, God's not just going to make you patient. He's going to present you with opportunities to learn patience." (And yes I just quoted Evan Almighty, don't be shocked for too long).

3. Time--This goes hand-in-hand with patience, but time really is a huge issue. Like I said, this whole 'changing' process is very long term. And I've never been good at keeping long-term goals (I don't have the patience).

Oh, you want to know about my progress in my self-improvement endeavor, do you? Well I've had to learn that I really can't base my self-worth or self-esteem off of the male attention I get (or don't get). I know, you must be rolling your eyes and saying, 'Uh, ya Kobie. Didn't you learn anything as a teenager?' Very valid question and apparently the answer is 'No'. I had to go through the crap that only the opposite sex can make a person experience to figure that one out.

I've also had a deep desire to become more solid in my faith and religion. I want to be absolutely converted to the depths of my soul. I feel as if I know so little. As a dedicated academic I put in hours of scholarly study every week, but I feel that my scripture study and study of doctrine is lacking. I want to "Treasure up the word".

So that's the current direction of my life. Hopefully the train stays on the tracks. Check back soon, or eventually, for updates!!!

Peace and Love My Friends.